My Ugliest Cakes

My Ugliest Cakes

From a time before Wicked Goodies, I give you

Ugly Cakes Highlighting some of the most ridiculous cakes that I have ever made

[BEWARE: photos of X-rated cakes are included]

Alien Birth Cake

a (4)

This cake topper is from the scene in the movie, Alien, when the baby alien critter bursts out of the sick guy’s chest. This creature was made from marzipan and jello with whittled pine nuts for teeth.

3D Armadillo Cake

3D Armadillo Cake

I carved this 3D sculpted armadillo out of cake then decorated it in modeling chocolate scales, claws, eyes, ears, nose and tail.

Taking Out the Garbage Divorce Cake

Taking Out the Trash Divorce Cake

I was given very specific instructions for how to decorate this custom “Taking Out the Garbage” cake in honor of someone’s divorce. I was to include edible trash cans, trash bags, rats, rat poop, McDonalds fast food wrappers, spilled beer cans, a candy cane, and the ex-husband’s legs sticking out of a barrel. I made all the decorations from modeling chocolate.

Berry Blob Cake

Ugly Cake

I made this berry cake with meringue frosting then left it in the sun for too long.

Mascot Torso Cake


I don’t know which is uglier: this school’s mascot head or my giant cake version of it.

Too Much Garden Cake


The lady who ordered this garden cake for her daughter’s first birthday was firm about how she had better get her money’s worth of decorations “or else.”

Cheesy Wedding Cake

a (7)

I went through this phase of dressing up cheese wheels to look like wedding cakes. The top tier on this one was kinda stinky! No, the trend did not catch on.

Road to Nowhere Cake

a (9)

This was my first attempt at a spiral pathway that unfortunately did not lead to the top of the cake as planned.


It was also my first attempt at gumpaste figurines, unfortunately for this lumpy couple. But hey, marriage IS kind of like crazy gluing two mitten hands together.

Ugly Present Cake

a (6)

Above was one of my first fondant-covered present cakes. Now look how much better I can do it.

Sad Cake Monster

a (8)

This sad monster birthday cake was not supposed to look monstrous but the white chocolate ganache came out so green and runny that it looked like slime. I improvised by adding two ping pong ball eyes and a blue smile, which gradually ran into a frown. Two lit candles represented the nose.

The rest of the cakes are


so some readers

with more delicate dispositions

might want to bypass the bottom of this page and

> Return to the Wicked Goodies home page <

Those with heartier dispositions may enjoy

scrolling down

to see

two of the ugliest


in my cake blooper reel


Spooky Nipples Fornicake
a (1)

Before I mastered the art of edible nipples, I made the above fornicake decorated with two peaches, a chocolate-dipped banana, two marzipan nut truffles, and chocolate shavings.

Wee Prick Cake

Here is another early fornicake with a tiny marzipan pecker on a bed of shaved chocolate pubes.


The birthday boy had to eat it.

Fornicake by Wicked Goodies 2

Ugly Cakes

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My Ugliest Cakes — 11 Comments

  1. Oh my gosh! I am amazed at how far you have come! And it gives me hope for myself. That present in comparison to what you can do now. F-Ing incredible!

    And when I look at the detail and absolutely stunning work you do. I truly can say that you have obviously worked very very hard, and I hope you get every single bit of happiness and success you deserve..

    Also, your marzipan penis was easily the best I’ve ever seen. That’s compliment one you should hold close to your heart.. As a proud penis sculptor.

  2. I said on CC and I’ll say it again – you are an absolute treat! I can’t get over these pictures or your captions. You are hilarious and koodos to you for posting these – it shows a lot of character. But it also shows so much growth! I always think professional bakers come out of the womb making magnificent creations. No, we really all do start somewhere. Thank you so much for sharing.

  3. wow you have come a long way lol how long have you been decorating? i love to go back and look at my first cakes because it shows me how much i have learned and gotten better. i still learn something new everyday. thanks for sharing. have a great day.

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