My Ugliest Cakes

From a time before Wicked Goodies, I give you

Highlighting some of the most ridiculous cakes that I have ever made

[BEWARE: photos of X-rated cakes are included]

Alien Birth Cake

This cake topper is from the scene in the movie, Alien, when the baby alien critter bursts out of the sick guy’s chest. This creature was made from marzipan and jello with whittled pine nuts for teeth.

3D Armadillo Cake

I carved this 3D sculpted armadillo out of cake then decorated it in modeling chocolate scales, claws, eyes, ears, nose and tail.

Taking Out the Garbage Divorce Cake

I was given very specific instructions for how to decorate this custom “Taking Out the Garbage” cake in honor of someone’s divorce. I was to include edible trash cans, trash bags, rats, rat poop, McDonalds fast food wrappers, spilled beer cans, a candy cane, and the ex-husband’s legs sticking out of a barrel. I made all the decorations from modeling chocolate.

Berry Blob Cake

I made this berry cake with meringue frosting then left it in the sun for too long.

Mascot Torso Cake

I don’t know which is uglier: this school’s mascot head or my giant cake version of it.

Too Much Garden Cake

The lady who ordered this garden cake for her daughter’s first birthday was firm about how she had better get her money’s worth of decorations “or else.”

Cheesy Wedding Cake

I went through this phase of dressing up cheese wheels to look like wedding cakes. The top tier on this one was kinda stinky! No, the trend did not catch on.

Road to Nowhere Cake

This was my first attempt at a spiral pathway that unfortunately did not lead to the top of the cake as planned.

It was also my first attempt at gumpaste figurines, unfortunately for this lumpy couple. But hey, marriage IS kind of like crazy gluing two mitten hands together.

Ugly Present Cake

Above was one of my first fondant-covered present cakes. Now look how much better I can do it.

Sad Cake Monster

This sad monster birthday cake was not supposed to look monstrous but the white chocolate ganache came out so green and runny that it looked like slime. I improvised by adding two ping pong ball eyes and a blue smile, which gradually ran into a frown. Two lit candles represented the nose.

The rest of the cakes are

Rated X 

so some readers

with more delicate dispositions

might want to bypass the bottom of this page and

> Return to the Wicked Goodies home page <

Those with heartier dispositions may enjoy

scrolling down

to see

two of the ugliest

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fornicakes

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in my cake blooper reel

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Spooky Nipples Fornicake

Before I mastered the art of edible nipples, I made the above fornicake decorated with two peaches, a chocolate-dipped banana, two marzipan nut truffles, and chocolate shavings.

Wee Prick Cake

Here is another early fornicake with a tiny marzipan pecker on a bed of shaved chocolate pubes.

The birthday boy had to eat it.

You might also enjoy

Naughty Cake Designs and Tutorials

See how I improved

Sculpted Cake Designs
Wedding Cake DesignsGingerbread House DesignsSample the books
Cake Decorating with Modeling Chocolate

Smooth Buttercream Cake Frosting