Snatch, hooey, hoo-ha, cooter, box, fur burger, honey pot, vagoo, or whatever you wanna call it. Behold the vagina cake, a truly underrated dessert centerpiece. Why don’t we make vagina cakes all the time? Just think about the face-planting potential and jokes to be made about eating pussy for dessert. Twat? Are you offended by this topic? Sorry, I cunt hear you.

Anatomy of a Vagina Cake

This is a relatively easy 3D cake shape to bake because it’s basically just a round mound. This particular cake was baked in an egg pan but you could also make it out of a half sphere cake or in a basic cylinder shaped pan. Vajayjays come in all different shapes, colors, and sizes, so here is your chance to be creative. As long as the cake is rounded or looks like a pink taco, it should work.

Chocolate Labia, Clitorus and Anus

The main components of the outer female anatomy are the labia, a.k.a. choco-lips, which in this case were made of strips of pink modeling chocolate rolled and thinned at the edges just like rose petals. The choco-clit was made out of a round pearl of modeling chocolate although any kind of candy or a cherry would do. The A-hole was made of a thicker modeling chocolate O-ring embossed a few times with the tip of butter knife so it would look like a puckered up balloon knot.

Here are my instructions for
Cake Decorating with Modeling Chocolate

Frosting the Vagina Cake

The surface of the cake was frosted with smooth vanilla buttercream tinted pink with a little natural beet juice. A darker layer of pink buttercream was blended into the surface using an offset spatula to give the vagina cake a healthy-looking blush. I frosted this cake haphazardly, deliberately leaving spatula marks to honor the natural asymmetry of the poonani, which has an abundance of ripples and folds.

For a darker skin tone, add more cocoa powder or chocolate buttercream to the base color.

More Features of the Vagina Cake

To form the V-hole, bore into the surface of the cake with the larger end of a double-ended ball tool or rounded implement. Arrange the inner choco-lips around the V-hole, planting them firmly into the buttercream frosting. It helps to do this before the buttercream has had a chance to fully set on the cake.

To make the P-hole, use the smaller end of a double-ended ball tool, boring at a 45° angle into the frosting, angled up towards the pubic landing strip.

Here are my Smooth Buttercream Frosting Recipes

Confectionery Cum

No fornicake is truly complete without a little edible cum. Here is one recipe that is particular sweet and liquidy. This should be applied to the cake at the last possible minute since it’s so sticky and wet. It’s better to do this after transport if possible.

Confectionery Cum Recipe

• 1 teaspoon of confectioner’s sugar
• 1 Tablespoon of corn syrup or glucose

Combine the powdered sugar and syrup until they are well mixed and cloudy white. Paint the inner and outer choco-lips with this mixture then drizzle some more into the V-hole so that there’s a little pool in there.

Vagina Cupcakes

Here are some fabulous vagina cupcakes made by Elisabeth Palatiello, owner of But a Dream Cakes. Note how she depicts the clitoris using a maraschino cherry garnished with toasted coconut pubic hair. Pause to contemplate her clever use of bacon as beef curtains. Celebrate the genetic diversity of the vagina, as portrayed by this exceptionally gifted cake artist. Thank you, Elisabeth from But a Dream Cakes for sharing your genius.

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