What To Do If a Bridezilla Gets Me

So here’s the deal. Someday, my life is going to end, hopefully not till I’m an old lady, but who can really say for sure with so many Bridezillas lurking around.

Bridezilla

When the day comes that I DO die by the hand of a Bridezilla, by a cake demolition experiment gone wrong, or under a giant gingerbread house avalanche, let the record show that I went down with a chocolate piping cone in my hand.

Let it also show that I want my body to be handled in the greenest most eco-friendly way possible, without the use of fuel, casket materials, concrete, or embalming fluids. For me personally, those things are not a good fit.

Our Earth Deserves Better Green Burial Option

I, Kristen Coniaris (a.k.a Wicked Goodies), city dweller, wish to be folded back into the earth through the natural process of decomposition. Family members and close friends, please take note!

Swiss chard and beets green urban garden recycled container

Some of you are aware that Mike and I grow a green porch garden here in San Diego, so we are keen on how returning organic materials to the earth enriches the soil. As evidence, behold some of the fruits of our urban garden! Above we have organic rainbow Swiss chard and beets growing on our stoop in a recycled storage bin filled with compost-enriched soil. Below we have our double bin driveway composting system.

urban driveawy bin composting

The Urban Death Project works in the same way that our urban garden does – by adding organic materials back into the soil in a perpetual, renewable nutrient cycle.

deathtext

This is especially important to be thinking about now as our earth’s soil is rapidly degrading – we have been taking and taking while not putting back in.

*Cue dance music*

College

Now I am proud to say that it’s my old college roommate, Katrina Spade, who is the mastermind behind this emerging new technology. Here is a photo of us way back when the Urban Death Project and Wicked Goodies were mere twinkles in our eyes. Perhaps it is no coincidence that our nickname for Katrina in college was “Tree.”

Becoming a Tree

All over the globe, the UDP is gaining notice (for instance, check out this article or this article or these articles). This project is BIG and GROUNDBREAKING. I am honored to serve as one of the captains of its very first crowd-funding campaign!

This fundraiser will support the second phase of construction operations of the prototype facility in Seattle, Washington, USA. Katrina aims to have this location operational by 2020.  The ultimate goal, of course, is for this renewable energy option to become available in every major city, including your own.

Support My Dying Wish!

If you like this idea, then please support the UDP Kickstarter campaign NOW. If you join in at this time, you will be entering at the ground floor – or I should say, at the top of the core – of a monumental revolution in death care.

To my family: Thank you in advance for respecting my wishes and for backing this campaign!
To Wicked Goodies readers: Get my extra Kickstarter bonuses for supporting the UDP!

Kickstarter Bonuses

To redeem your extra bonus, please email me a copy of your donation receipt. Limit one item per redemption. This offer lasts until the campaign reaches its $75,000 goal.

  • $25+ pledge, get a copy of an one of my ebooks – your pick which one
  • $50+ pledge, get 1 hour of bakery consulting services (phone or skype)
  • $100+ pledge, get 2 hours of bakery consulting services (phone or skype)
  • $300+ pledge, get your own custom bakery wordpress website (limit 1 offer, first come first serve)

Thank you for respecting the earth and my wish to remain with it

 

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Comments

What To Do If a Bridezilla Gets Me — 2 Comments

  1. Hi Kristen,

    I recently lost my grandmother. It was the first close death to me in a very long time. Seeing all that went into her burrial was indeed strange. Embalming, a coffin, and creepiest of all, determining whether we wanted a concrete tomb that had holes in it (the cheaper option), or without. The question posed to us was, “Given that the water table rises and falls, the bodies will float in the water during heavy rain.” Grief stricken, my father and his siblings chose the costlier option to keep his mother from “floating” during heavy rain. It all seemed like craziness but I didn’t know why! I told myself it was just grief. But your article made it all make sense to me!

    It seemed as if we were somehow trying to sterilize the process of death to something it is not; a natural decomposing. I truly felt strange about it but, like I said, I just didn’t know why. I just never put it all together. As a Christian, I believe ahes to ases and dust to dust. We SHOULD return to the soil in which we came.

    Thank you so much for your article, and I thank your friend for taking a somewhat taboo subject of changing the way we handle death. I wish her all the best.

    I would like to donate. And I am not worried about receiving anything in return, so no worries here. But one suggestion for your sanity because I don’t want your kindness turned into a pain for you. You may want to address how you expect to handle those “in bakery” times as many of us live out of state and no doubt as there are bridezillas out there, there will be those expecting you to come to them, or you to fly them and/or pay for their accommodations as a result of your generous offer. As this is such a wonderfully generous offer, I didn’t want it to cause you any grief.

    Than you again for your article.

    All the Best,
    Lisa Kaatman
    Owner
    All Tiered Up Cakes
    http://www.alltieredupcakes.com
    314-740-5339

    • Hi Lisa,

      Thank you for your thoughtful comment. I’m sorry for your recent loss. That’s interesting what you mention about the concrete. I have heard that the reason for the concrete graveliner has to do with landscaping – because it helps the ground remain level, which makes the grass easier to mow.

      When my father was cremated, I remember that the simplest most affordable urn sold by the crematorium cost $300. It was just a metal tin…

      I checked out your website. You’ve got a great range of skills and an extensive portfolio of cakes. Nice work!

      – Kristen

      P.S. All the bonuses that I offer here can be redeemed no matter where you live in the world, thanks to Skype.

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